情书
qq1934 | 06 March, 2010 02:26情书
我常常处在莫名的恐慌当中办公家具。我不知道它们从何而来又将消失于何方。一直以为它们处在生命当中属于不必要甚至是多余且可憎的元素，它们使我的大脑中充满奇怪的不属于不属于我这个年龄的男孩子该想的问题办公家具，奇怪并且难以自我解答。
我喜欢听歌办公家具。听那些充满激情却又饱含忧伤的歌的时候我似乎就找到答案了。可是我无法说明白，它们是那样的模糊。这个时候我就会把音量开到最大，达到只要不伤害耳膜的程度，那样我就可以把自己倔强的丢在只有歌声的静谧的世界中办公家具，我可以细数那些爱情的伤者，并同自己比较……可我这个时候心里就会慌，我不知道是否这个年纪的孩子都这样办公家具，在做一件事儿的时候莫名其妙的想到其他的事儿，并且恐惧汹涌而至。我总是会把自己这样迷失在音乐的世界中，丢失了年龄办公家具，然后自己如同一个经过几世沧桑的流浪者，渴望温暖却始终找不到归宿。
是的，始终没有找到归宿工业除湿机。我曾暗恋过一个女孩子，我很喜欢她在冬天的样子，穿高领毛衣，安静犹如独自傲盛的雪莲。当然我没经历过雪亦未曾亲眼目睹过雪莲，但我想用这样的比喻，比喻她的纯洁清澈。我曾说过我是一张白纸工业除湿机，突然之间，我竟不知道该如何去定义这一张白纸，我害怕这一定义就等于诠释了我的一生——空白。
你应该是明白的水泵，我害怕空白，害怕一切都平平淡淡。我不敢承诺任何，我甚至不敢说我是否真的爱你，真的爱她。常听朋友说因为寂寞，因为那巨大的压力所以想找个女朋友谈谈恋爱之类的话，我对它嗤之以鼻，我讨厌这种游戏——寂寞的时候才会去爱一个人。对于爱情我想应该是在不经意间产生，然后像是细胞分裂，逐渐蔓延，最后形成一个强大的聚合体，生命力越来越强，无论任何也无法阻止它继续变得强大螺杆泵。我对其理解或许过于肤浅，但我想我对你的爱正是如此吧。
我喜欢看小说泥浆泵，任何种类。上了高中我更加偏爱青春小说，像女生一样。我不知道是否是因为付出了却没有得到回应，因此只能用那些虚构的情节来填补内心的空虚，找一份主观意识的慰藉。自从遇见你后化工泵，我更加的渴望一段刻骨铭心的邂逅，但事实上我们一次又一次的错过，甚至很多次我们相继不过半米，却无法抛出那一组苍凉的对白，然后相知，相恋。我只有用文字来填补这半米的距离所留下的遗憾。我写许多的字，散文，小说，都是忧伤的悲凉，悲凉的组合旋涡泵，但构建的文字显得斑斑驳驳，零零碎碎，始终也无法填补那半米的遗憾。
我总是说很多话真空泵，我想用话语来掩盖掉那一段距离的事实；我也大声笑，笑得很不自然，很是表里不一；但我从来都没有对谁诉说，即使是最好的朋友。只是事实上它们心里明了，他们明白我心上的伤，心上的虚憾不是三言两语能够权劝慰的，所以很多时候他们装作不知道，试图用沉默搀扶我走完那半米。你也许早已忘了那么多次的擦肩而过，或许从不曾留心深圳福田搬家公司。在你心里，或者只能说在你眼里，我至多不过是本班的一个男同学，一个总是出现在你视野内一个姓杨的深深眷恋着你的男生。你从不曾想过那个“杨”字可以那么重，也可以那么轻——重能重到叫你心力交瘁；轻亦能轻如鸿羽，微不足道，你可以对他视而不见。
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